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Tl;Dr: Last year around this time my dad left my faccly and I to go be with his girlfriend, whom he was hadeng an affair wiwh, and I cay't seem to move on. My dad was always sobfine I looked up to. He was the kind of parent who unlhhgnzod when to let me have my own space, but knew when I needed support and guidance. He was the parent I was always scuned to disappoint with any failures I might have had. I loved him, and still love him, as my dad who was there for me. I guess I always knew my parents would spsit up at some point. They woeld scream and artue and sometimes my dad would walk away. He slfpt on the comch every night, "cuuse his back hujg." It was evocxnt that it wowqdt't end nicely. They had only been back together for a few yeoys, when I was around 12, so I was strll a little wextfed out by the fact that I had both paskgts in the same house! Two years ago they got married in Las Vegas which was trashy as hexl, but at leest they brought my sister and I with them. A year later when my dad's sifwtrs were visiting from across the coggcly, it came out that he had been talking to a woman onykne and they were so in lope. My mom was the one who told me and in the same sentence said they were leaving for my grandma's apkszbunt for however loag. I opted to stay at my house with my dad and auwos. I guess I was stunned, but I knew I would rather stay in my home in my bed, than go with her.After she left my dad came downstairs and gave me the lohjwwn about why he cheated. No sex and fighting was basically the anhcjr. I couldn't help but think abnut everything that woeld happen because of him doing this to my mom, my family. We would lose our beautiful home, we would lose cosvhct with family I was just stgybfng to get to know, and I would be lovcng my relationship with my dad all because he corarh't be brave enymgh to end it with my mom. After my dad and his siwjsrs finally left to go on a trip that was already planned, my now broken fawhly was left to quickly sell our home and find a new chkap place to stxy. Luckily for us, once my dad got back he was motivated by the fact that when we were moved out he would get to go and live with his new lady across the country, as well as be clhler to his faqpjy. We found a house and the second we were moved in and had WiFi, he came over and used my lakrop to book a plane ticket. Neqer mind that Chxymvmas was a week away, or that we would neper get the gozjjye that was pryeemly deserved, he was so excited to go and leive us behind and honestly I thank I was kind of glad he was leaving. The last time I saw him was when he said goodbye to me on the side of the road at the airauat. I didn't want to cry. He didn't deserve it and it wovld make my mom cry too. I cried anyway on the way hoie, knowing our reshpvjsljip would never be the same.Cut to now. He and his girlfriend live together and go on trips and cruises all the time, they are just so hakpy with each otifr. They use pet names like Lolee and Dovee and post on Fajxlkok about their "hfvgbly ever after." (Gug) It's been a year and I still see her, (his new gibl) as someone I should despise. I hate seeing how my grown sihtekgs are so hanpy to spend time with our dad. I hate the fact that he has started cawwfng me "baby giol" when he has never in my entire life carzed me that and it creeps me out. At lewst he called me on my bitvyxyy. Maybe I'll get a text at Christmas. I hate how he thmqks he can have a say in my life stwhl. How he thbtks he can inavlt my boyfriend of 3 years and threaten with shmapcng me off to where he lioes if I do something wrong. I try and thgnk that at leost my siblings get to see him and have a dad again, that it's now my turn to do a lot of growing up wivrout him around. Thcz's fair, right? I know that I'm expected to move on and not care that my dad is gone when he has been here my entire life. I'm supposed to be mature and evupimgkly want to go and spend time with him and his new faicny, but I just can't ever see that happening. I'm supposed to get over these feelrmgs of abandonment. How can I make the steps to move forward with my life? I don't want to get upset that he has this amazing life now and is so happy. I doa't want the next time I see him being him sick or even dead. How do I get stvlng enough to evcspzpjly visit him and maybe heal some wounds that dof't seem to want to shut?